Assault
I have counseled victims of crime that they are supposed to talk about their experience in order to shed the fear that lingers after the event. To that end, here I go.
On Friday morning, I walked to get coffee at 11am. I walked on the sunny side of the street to warm my face. I was two blocks from my work and one block from coffee when I saw a group of 6 kids walking toward me. They had the whole sidewalk. I wondered for a moment why they weren't in school because none of them could be older than 17. And then I stopped thinking about them and kept on walking. As we approached each other, I moved to my right. They did too. All of them. I slowed down, and they did too. All of them. And then they surrounded me.
All six of them pressed up against me and one kid pinned my arm to a wall. Three boys were putting their faces into my face, and pushing against me. One kid backed away and told the others to stop. He said, "Quit it; you're harrassing her." Two more backed off, but the three closest to me stayed where they were.
I said, "Excuse me." Then I said, "Okay, enough." Then I said, "Stop it." Only two boys remained, but they wouldn't let me go. Finally, one of them pulled the kid who had my arm away, but he wouldn't leave. He held on to me and kept asking me to let him talk to me. "I just want to talk to you, baby," he said.
It was so irrational, and there is no reason for me to be scared of this happening ever again. But it was also so irrational that I don't know how I can't worry about what happened happening again. The boys surrounded me en masse. I know they didn't plan it, but they all reacted like a swarm does, mindlessly and powerful because of the absence of reason. There is no way to predict the direction a flock of pigeons might take when they all leave the ground at the same time. And there was no way for me to avoid walking into the path of these boys who pinned me to a wall on Folsom Street for no reason.
When I got my arm free and moved on, I didn't look back. I thought, "I just got assaulted by a bunch of kids." And then I stopped thinking about it until another group of people came into view on the sidewalk. Suddenly, I didn't want to pass them and I didn't want them to pass me.
I spent most of the weekend thinking that I would prefer to work in a field where I wasn't trying to help kids like that. But I do. I thought that I would prefer to say it was senseless and no big deal because I wasn't hurt and there's no harm done. If I didn't do the work that I do, at least I couldn't think that this must be the universe telling me that my direction is wrong, or that I am unwanted in my profession, or that my efforts are pointless because there is no changing the fact that senseless acts are frightening. But I thought, and continue to think all that.
I am not scared, but I am so sad that those boys had to take my security away for a moment.
On Friday morning, I walked to get coffee at 11am. I walked on the sunny side of the street to warm my face. I was two blocks from my work and one block from coffee when I saw a group of 6 kids walking toward me. They had the whole sidewalk. I wondered for a moment why they weren't in school because none of them could be older than 17. And then I stopped thinking about them and kept on walking. As we approached each other, I moved to my right. They did too. All of them. I slowed down, and they did too. All of them. And then they surrounded me.
All six of them pressed up against me and one kid pinned my arm to a wall. Three boys were putting their faces into my face, and pushing against me. One kid backed away and told the others to stop. He said, "Quit it; you're harrassing her." Two more backed off, but the three closest to me stayed where they were.
I said, "Excuse me." Then I said, "Okay, enough." Then I said, "Stop it." Only two boys remained, but they wouldn't let me go. Finally, one of them pulled the kid who had my arm away, but he wouldn't leave. He held on to me and kept asking me to let him talk to me. "I just want to talk to you, baby," he said.
It was so irrational, and there is no reason for me to be scared of this happening ever again. But it was also so irrational that I don't know how I can't worry about what happened happening again. The boys surrounded me en masse. I know they didn't plan it, but they all reacted like a swarm does, mindlessly and powerful because of the absence of reason. There is no way to predict the direction a flock of pigeons might take when they all leave the ground at the same time. And there was no way for me to avoid walking into the path of these boys who pinned me to a wall on Folsom Street for no reason.
When I got my arm free and moved on, I didn't look back. I thought, "I just got assaulted by a bunch of kids." And then I stopped thinking about it until another group of people came into view on the sidewalk. Suddenly, I didn't want to pass them and I didn't want them to pass me.
I spent most of the weekend thinking that I would prefer to work in a field where I wasn't trying to help kids like that. But I do. I thought that I would prefer to say it was senseless and no big deal because I wasn't hurt and there's no harm done. If I didn't do the work that I do, at least I couldn't think that this must be the universe telling me that my direction is wrong, or that I am unwanted in my profession, or that my efforts are pointless because there is no changing the fact that senseless acts are frightening. But I thought, and continue to think all that.
I am not scared, but I am so sad that those boys had to take my security away for a moment.
posted by your friend at Sunday, December 03, 2006
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