My mom may or may not have burned her dormitory

Sunday was April Fool's. In honor of the special day, I give you the following.

I'm pregnant and working.

April Fool's.

I do, however, have some serious issues to present here. At a recent family event, I learned the following bits and pieces about my family history. The event? It was a four year old's birthday party at a local club featuring simple gymnastics enjoyed to excess by the adults in attendance; the kids played as well. I don't anticipate that this information will be interesting to anyone, but I share it anyway because it illustrates an important point. Getting kicked out of places should earn you a badge.

My aunt says my mother was kicked out of the dorms in nursing school after extinguishing a cigarette by sitting on it to hide evidence of her illicit behavior from inquiring nuns. The cigarette ignited the mattress, but not my mom's ass. My mom could not hide the fire as well as the butt under her butt and she was asked to leave immediately.

My mother denies all of the above, except that she was kicked out. She says that she was booted after getting stung for leaving the security door ajar when sneaking out after curfew. Apparently, that created a danger to the other nursing students and she was asked to leave immediately.

If I could embroider, I would make a patch for my mom. I would include the questionable fire hot on the edges of my mom's nursing cape. And in the background, I would sew an angry nun with the fire reflected in her eyes. I would make my mom sew it on her nice Italian handbag or maybe on her Armani jacket because I think this is a story she should embrace with pride.